A friend found a summer camp aimed at adults that boasts no supervision right in the title, and, assuming the results of said camp, challenged me to write an apology letter after the camp had concluded. I got the choice of to whom the letter was addressed.
It was so much fun, I thought I’d share it with you. Everything here, including the name of the camps below, are entirely fictional and entirely the product of my brain.
Dear Camp Wanmymomma,
We at Camp Supervisionless deeply, wholly and unreservedly apologize for the unexpected minor damage after our three-day summer camp experience for adults. Please believe us when we say the outcome was not foreseeable to us, and had we the opportunity, we might have planned things slightly differently.
Yes, it was truly unfortunate that the septic system became so clogged with used prophylactics that it caused a backup, thus flooding the showers throughout the boys’ and girls’ cabins. But the plumber assured us that not only can the repairs be made, the wrappers, wedging strategically as they did, prevented further damage.
And yes, it probably was difficult for you to explain to the parents of your young campers why it was that those toys that they found weren’t for them — sorry for the oversight, things were a little hectic as we were packing up, due to that hive of wasps that moved in after being attracted by the combined smells of bacon, birthday-cake flavored vodka and cherry lip gloss — but really, isn’t the summer experience all about learning and growth?
Now our landscape expert assures us that the, well, the vomit is actually beneficial for the plants, especially the acid-loving hydrangeas, which will be bright blue next year! Quite a change from the pink, but surely a welcome one. The chemical burns on the grass, though, were a little tougher to decipher, especially since we did not allow pets as per Camp Wanmymomma’s policies.
In short, we are willing to discuss any reimbursements for these inconveniences, and look forward to next year!
“Me Inside Me,” A Writing 6 Revue, Fridays 7:30 pm Jan. 8-29 at Donny’s Skybox at Second City. Click for Tickets.
Check out my full-length novels, Her Cousin Much Removed, The Great Paradox and the Innies and Outies of Time Management and Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only), and the sequel, Aunty Ida’s Holey Amazing Sleeping Preparation (Not Doctor Recommended) which is now available!