Jane Storegoer and the Cone of Evil, Part 7


I’m taking a badly-needed technology break! To keep you entertained without my daily nonsense, I’m posting the complete stories of Jane Storegoer, a character who sprang to being during the #AtoZChallenge in 2016.  During my break, I’ll post the installments daily. Can’t wait? Catch the rest of the posts here. They start from the bottom. Hope you enjoy!

“Don’t move,” whispered a damp voice just above her ear. It was Iris, the one with the pimento eyes.

“Let go of me,” said Jane, struggling against the bouncy sauciness surrounding her.

“Seriously, don’t move,” Iris said.

“Excellent.” The Grand Fermenter glopped close enough to Jane for her to see the flecks of pepper in his coating. “Now, Iris, take her to the Composter.”

“The Composter?” said Barry, its voice muffled a bit by the upside-down position, “that doesn’t sound good.”

“And take that monstrosity as well,” the Grand Fermenter said, waving in Barry’s general direction. “As it melts, it will really help pack everything down.”

“As it MELTS?!” said Barry. “I’m not OK with that!”

“Stop squirming!” Iris said, gripping Jane by each arm and depositing a glistening, oily layer. “Stay exactly where you are.”

“I don’t know what you think you’re trying to do–” is as far as Jane got before Iris bounded off of the bottom of the box, and horizontal, knocked the Grand Fermenter sideways. She spun, using Jane as the center pole, gliding smoothly over the sauce as her bottom tofu square bonked each of the other Tofurati, sending them sprawling and chunks of tofu flying.

With the last leg of her circular rotation, she bumped Barry right at the tip of its cone, sending Barry twirling upward, head over end, and back down again, perfectly balanced once more.

“Iris!” roared the Grand Fermenter, trying to reclaim his scrambled bits.

“Hurry,” said Iris. We’ve got to get out of here now.” She ushered Jane and Barry toward the back of the box, where a bar of faint light flickered under the flap.

Like my political side? Read my opinion pieces here.

Check out  my full-length novels: 

Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only)   

Aunty Ida’s Holey Amazing Sleeping Preparation (Not Doctor Recommended) 

 Her Cousin Much Removed

 The Great Paradox and the Innies and Outies of Time Management.

And download Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities, it’s free!

Peruse Montraps Publishing.


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