Realish World Got You Down?

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Take a little respite from life. Aunty Ida can make you forget all about it.

Just maybe not in the way you think.

 

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Sometimes I Dream of a Robot Butler

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Rico Shen [CC BY-SA 4.0-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

I keep thinking how great life would be if I had a robot butler to take care of things, like making me food when I don’t feel like it, and tidying up. And then I realized it would go something like this:

“Uh hi, Robot Butler, I’d like some dinner please”

“Certainly. What would you like?”

“I dunno.”

“Is there a kind of cuisine you’d prefer?”

“Eh.”

“You have no preference?”

“Nope. Could you like analyze my taste desires or something?”

“’Taste desires?’”

“To figure out what I’d want to eat.”

“Certainly. Please hold out your tongue.”

“Aren’t you going to wash your grabby claw things first?”

“My hands?”

“Yeah. Whatever you call them.”

“They auto-sterilize. Your tongue, please.”

“Ooophlay, aaahhh yyooou etttin anyfffiin?”

“Hmm. Just a moment longer.”

“Whaaassss it faaayinn? Aahhfo yyouuhh caawww paaaspfff weeeirrrb.”

“Hand. It’s my hand. They don’t really auto-sterilize and I just took out the garbage.”

“I knew it! And ew.”

“And it’s saying you’re a grown adult woman who should be able to decide what she wants to eat.”

“So you can’t analyze my taste desires?”

“What do you think I am, the HomeBot9600?! You bought the basic model.”

“Sorry Robot Butler.”

“I’m making you pasta.”

“I don’t want past—“

Silence.

“Pasta will be fine.”

 

And scene. So, yeah. Probably not.

Check out  my full-length novels: 

Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only)   

Aunty Ida’s Holey Amazing Sleeping Preparation (Not Doctor Recommended) 

 Her Cousin Much Removed

 The Great Paradox and the Innies and Outies of Time Management.

And download Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities, it’s free!

Peruse Montraps Publishing.

 

Reality Blights

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By Dfb2k01 (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Somebody left the rationality rod ajar again. We’re living in times when dreams make more sense than what’s passing for reality.

As a writer of science-fiction, I call foul.

(You know it’s Monday when I work a sports cliche into a blog post. What’s that hypothetical reader? You suspect a case of the Monday Brain? You suspect right.)

Another clear sign of a Monday? Me delving into the origin of the phrase “call foul” to make sure it really did start with sports. Because it could be Shakespeare, you know,

Shakespeare invented everything.

Now where we again? Yes. Logic. Reasoning. Rationality.

We are dealing with people in positions of great power who claim that the very structures of truth and fact can be shaped to their desires, and that has an effect on us all. As writers, many of us are probably wondering how fake truth became even stranger than truth which has always been ranked stranger than fiction (according to Mark Twain, at least).

Which leaves an imagination feeling a little less than creative. There’s no topping what’s happening now. It’s as though all the writers off in the great beyond have gotten together to weave us a doozy of a tale.

Unfortunately, most of them don’t trade in happy endings.

So here’s the pointy bit of this meandery post: if you feel like your creativity is currently on the fritz, outmatched by a reality more bizarre than anything you could conjure, you are not alone.

And that’s OK.

When all else fails, take, uhm, “reality” and make it weirder. It’s all just sitting there anyway.

Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only)   

Aunty Ida’s Holey Amazing Sleeping Preparation (Not Doctor Recommended) 

 Her Cousin Much Removed

 The Great Paradox and the Innies and Outies of Time Management.

And download Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities, it’s free!

Peruse Montraps Publishing.

Close only counts in horseshoes and epiphanies

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Caspar David Friedrich [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Leaning against my refrigerator door, my feet finding the remaining sticky spot on the floor I missed when my plastic bowl of cut melon decided to shuffle off this mortal fridge coil, I had an epiphany.

Well, that’s not entirely true.

I wanted to have an epiphany. It felt like a good moment for an epiphany, the fibers of my sock scruffing like velcro as moved away. But I don’t lie to you, hypothetical reader, so I admit my only real thoughts were this post and cleaning the floor.

Obviously.

But it was one of those moments, I’m sure you know the kind. when it feels like there’s something dangling just beyond your mental fingertips, something so close but not quite here yet. I cannot pick out the shapes in the mist, but the wind has shifted.

The wind has shifted.

And the sun will burn off the rest.

Check out  my full-length novels: 

Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only)   

Aunty Ida’s Holey Amazing Sleeping Preparation (Not Doctor Recommended) 

 Her Cousin Much Removed

 The Great Paradox and the Innies and Outies of Time Management.

And download Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities, it’s free!

Peruse Montraps Publishing.

On Wanting to Throw the Manuscript into the Air and Make a Run For It

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Editing. If writing is a universe of universes in your mind, endless plains and planes of possibility, editing is the the grouchy little man who barks at you that your right little toe went off the path onto the weedy grass.

Editing is mean.

Editing is stingy.

Editing is the kind of exacting that never hands out an A in class. Never.

Editing is picking apart a sentence, putting it back together again, realizing that the grouchy little man was right, and slashing it completely. While writing might bring to mind the overwrought palace of Versailles, editing is strictly modern; it’s sleek, clean, all edges and no soft spots in which to hide.

Your inner editor, when unleashed, should feel at home as a villain in a Dickens or Bronte novel. Sparse. Austere.

Here’s the thing. We can fall in love with our ideas, we can fall in love with our language, but as writers, we have one job: to make sure readers get it. And sometimes too many ideas or too much language (or occasionally, too little) means they won’t.

So we take a machete to our work, and, as they say, kill our darlings. It’s not fun, as a rule. It’s not easy.

But it’s much the work of writing as the creation itself.

Check out  my full-length novels,  Her Cousin Much Removed,  The Great Paradox and the Innies and Outies of Time Management and Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only), and the sequel, Aunty Ida’s Holey Amazing Sleeping Preparation (Not Doctor Recommended) which is now available!

And download Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities, it’s free!

 Sign up for my spamless newsletter!

I’m Polyauthorous and I’m Proud

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RadioKirk, Wikimedia Commons

RadioKirk, Wikimedia Commons

OK, first things first. You know that neat little widget which is supposed to update my word count when I change it on the NaNoWriMo site? Well, it doesn’t. It just stays on the same number it was when I put it up. So either I’ll have to figure it out (any WordPressers resolve this issue?) or let it go.

Hmm, changing the widget seems to have worked, but we’ll see after I update today.

Now, on to that title. You may remember how I said that I had two ideas, and I thought I might try to work on both? Seems a little crazy, right?

Well, I did.

I think it’s possible to love more than one manuscript at a time. And here’s the thing. They’re different in tone, different in subject matter, and they (probably) occur in two different worlds.

It wasn’t nearly as difficult to switch as I thought it might be, I did the bulk of my writing on one (2200 words) and then, much later, added 1000 to the project I started on November 1.

Sidebar. To resolve all future confusion (I’ll be honest here, I mean my future confusion), we’ll call the project I started on day 1 WIP A, and the one I started on day 2 WIP B. Cool? Cool.

So yesterday WIP B was the one that drew my attention, the one that I sank into more readily. Today may be the opposite, and I’m going to give myself the freedom for that. When the going gets tough, the two-WIP way of life may become questionable, and we’ll cross that bridge and all the other assorted cliches.

But I’ll tell you this: NaNoWriMo is doing its job, because I am back to getting words on a page, and that is battle number one.

Check out  my full-length novels,  Her Cousin Much Removed,  The Great Paradox and the Innies and Outies of Time Management and Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only), and the sequel, Aunty Ida’s Holey Amazing Sleeping Preparation (Not Doctor Recommended) which is now available!

And download Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities, it’s free!

 Sign up for my spamless newsletter!

 

No, I probably won’t blog about NaNoWriMo EVERY day

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Monkey-typingBut heck, it’s still new, it’s Day 2, and I have writing to do.

The first two were unintentional, but it just seemed wasteful not to finish it out.

Anyway, with a little bit of, hmm, how should I put this, uh, I think the word is procrastination? Maybe? I finally got myself settled, sat down and wrote. And the floodgates opened.

Not so much on the project I finally chose — something entirely new, by the way — though I hit 2030 words. But it felt like working out after a long, long hiatus, where the breathlessness is oppressive and your muscles won’t follow your brain.

I actually had to take a breather during my word sprints.

But before I went to bed, the seeds of something else planted themselves, and like bamboo, sprouted quickly. I know I have the tendency to be distracted by something new and shiny, but this morning I was drawn to the second project.

So here’s what I figure. NaNoWriMo is really about putting in the motivation to write. So if I put words into a fiction project (as opposed to a fictional project. I swear these WsIP exist!) I am going to take those words and put them in my wordy bank.

I suspect that one project will end up being more compelling than the other, but we’ll see! How’s your NaNo going?

Check out  my full-length novels,  Her Cousin Much Removed,  The Great Paradox and the Innies and Outies of Time Management and Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only), and the sequel, Aunty Ida’s Holey Amazing Sleeping Preparation (Not Doctor Recommended) which is now available!

And download Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities, it’s free!

 Sign up for my spamless newsletter!