Imagination Picks Up Hitchhikers

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I swear, it’s the last time I’ll mention it (well, except at the bottom), but Her Cousin, Much Removed is free through the end of today, April 10th. OK, on to the afternoon book.

Once I started to consider books in terms of imagination, my brain nearly short-circuited. Whether they take us back in time, or shoot us forward into the future; whether they’re about regular people or aliens who use tesseracts to travel to other words, imagination is the heartbeat of fiction. So singling out books is nearly painful.

Nearly.

Because this one is one of the most beautiful, hilarious things an imagination ever created from nothing. Towel not included.

What do you think is the most imaginative book you’ve ever read?

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. Amazon for $5.12. “IRRESISTIBLE!”
–The Boston Globe
Seconds before the Earth is demolished to make way for a galactic freeway, Arthur Dent is plucked off the planet by his friend Ford Prefect, a researcher for the revised edition of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy who, for the last fifteen years, has been posing as an out-of-work actor.
Together this dynamic pair begin a journey through space aided by quotes from The Hitchhiker’s Guide (“A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have”) and a galaxy-full of fellow travelers: Zaphod Beeblebrox–the two-headed, three-armed ex-hippie and totally out-to-lunch president of the galaxy; Trillian, Zaphod’s girlfriend (formally Tricia McMillan), whom Arthur tried to pick up at a cocktail party once upon a time zone; Marvin, a paranoid, brilliant, and chronically depressed robot; Veet Voojagig, a former graduate student who is obsessed with the disappearance of all the ballpoint pens he bought over the years.
Where are these pens? Why are we born? Why do we die? Why do we spend so much time between wearing digital watches? For all the answers stick your thumb to the stars. And don’t forget to bring a towel!
“[A] WHIMSICAL ODYSSEY…Characters frolic through the galaxy with infectious joy.”
–Publishers Weekly

Download Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities along with Her Cousin, Much Removed. They’re both free!

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Better Living Through GRAVY Starts with B

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And the best part about it is that it’s free! OK, sorry about that, I think posting Dr. Seuss yesterday put me into some kind of rhyming fugue state. Normally, I only post free books on Friday (and sadly, F falls on a Monday so I’ll have to think of something else). But the A-to-Z Challenge doesn’t beckon normal.

By the way, It’s also available at  Smashwords, Barnes & Noble and iTunes.

gravy3Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities by Isa-Lee Wolf. Amazon for FREE. A quirky collection of seven short short stories, each about 1000 words or so. All strange with a light dusting of sci-fi, these quick reads offer a brief escape into imaginary worlds with fun, excitement, and possibly a laugh. Or two. Three might be a stretch.

Warning: If a woman calling herself “Aunty Ida” approaches you and offers a solution to your problem, doctors recommend running. Quickly. Whatever direction she’s not in.

Caution: Don’t try any of the proposed solutions at home, as they’ve been found to be scientifically absurd.

Note: Imaginary animals may or may not exist. How should we know?

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Aloha! Aunty Ida Ahead in the A-to-Z Blogging Challenge

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And we start A with a person approximate to my aorta. Ahh, all this could get annoying. I’ll try not to be too cute with it, although Aunty Ida adores alliteration. Affirmative, our own addled scientist, who isn’t altogether assured of her fictitious nature, is the first book of the A-to-Z Blogging Challenge.


Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only) by Isa-Lee Wolf. Amazon for $3.99. You know that case on LawTV? The one where the judge lost it on national television?

Yes, that was Margaret.

But Ida – who insists you call her “Aunty Ida,” if you want to (no one ever seems to want to) – is there to help. That Margaret doesn’t want her help doesn’t dampen Ida’s delight in playing with her mind-altering toys and calling it therapy.

Besides, the courtroom thing was only a big deal because of the cameras. OK, so it was Margaret’s courtroom, and yes, she was hearing the biggest case of her career, and yes, the LawTV commentators were all over it, but these things always get sensationalized. The restraining order her husband got against her was only temporary.

So she’s suspended. It’s nothing she can’t fix.

Sure, Margaret has no idea who this Ida person is, but if she can get her to sign a form, she’ll be back on the bench in no time. Unfortunately for Margaret, Aunty Ida knows exactly who Margaret is. And Margaret isn’t going anywhere.

With relentless optimism, Ida dives into curing Margaret of her problems, one odd treatment at a time. But Margaret knows there’s nothing wrong with her.

She was set up, and she’s determined to prove it.

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Get in the Best Shape of Your Afterlife with the Zombie Fitness Manual

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You may be ready for the zombie apocalypse (and who isn’t), but are you prepared if you become a zombie? No? Well, then this book should get you up to speed. It shouldn’t be too hard, zombies aren’t that fast.


The Zombie Fitness Manual by P.J. Hafner. Amazon for $3.99. Undead living is never easy.

There’s stalking, there’s chasing, there’s waiting. Denial. Disillusionment. Disappointment. And sooner or later, the following thoughts occur to most every frustrated Zombie:
· Why does my food source – the living – often overwhelm me with such ease?
· What can I do to attain fulfillment; in other words, assure that I stay full?
· After arising from the dead, how can I raise my game?

In addition to these distressing challenges, do you find yourself feeling lethargic and wobbly? Sensing less and less coordination as time wears on? Maybe even worried your best days are behind you?

Worry no more. In the pages of The Zombie Fitness Manual, you’ll learn step-by-step how to get your vitality back, restore your undead energy, and score some wins over your elusive prey.

Read this book, follow its advice, and you’ll realize the following payoffs:
· You’ll lumber with less fatigue.
· You’ll hobble along with greater effectiveness.
· You’ll enjoy increased chances of conquest once you’ve made a capture.
· And perhaps the greatest benefit of all, upon attacking victims, you’ll be able to keep your decaying physique intact. Your days of coming apart at the seams will be over. (Well, you may still lose a body part now and then, but that can happen to the best of us. Why not feel in top form as your condition runs its course, right?)

Follow the exercise techniques in The Zombie Fitness Manual, and your hunting outings will be much more fruitful. Or brain-full. Whatever.

At Amazon, the Book Buys You

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OK, that’s not entirely accurate. Or remotely accurate, but I couldn’t resist the joke.

Normally, about now I’d be telling you about a book you can buy from Amazon, but today I figured I’d flip that. I don’t know if you know, but Amazon will buy your books as well. It’s like a big, natural circle of reading. Amazon pays for shipping, so it won’t cost you anything. Current best-sellers are probably your best bet, but at least that takes some of the guilt out of buying a full-priced new book.

And it’s not just for books, either. You can trade in movies, video games and other things, and get an Amazon gift card in exchange. When I logged in, it even told me what some things I’d bought from Amazon were worth, which is nice to know, not that I’m parting with my Zumba World Party, which is the most fun game ever, but I digress.

So you can use books to feed your reading habit. It’s beautiful, in a way.

Anyway, thus concludes this public service announcement.

 

 

 

What, No Morning Book This Monday?

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Nope. Not a morning book today. Tons of books! It’s Read an eBook Week at Smashwords, and there are literally hundreds of books being discounted, now through March 8. If there’s a title that’s been featured here you’ve had your eye on, it might be on sale.

Aunty Ida’s Full Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only) is half-off this week with code REW50, and Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities is still free at Smashwords (want it free from Amazon? Please let them know by clicking the “tell us about a lower price” link on this page).

Now’s a great time to stock up on reading material, given that March doesn’t seem to have brought us much closer to spring. Maybe there are lots of books that take place in nice, warm places.

Bubba and the Dead Woman on Free Book Friday

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It’s still Free Book Friday, and if you can’t laugh at the week that just took the tinsel from your branches, then at least you can laugh at this book. And it occurs to me that’s a seasonal reference, quite out of season. Well, no matter, this one looks funny, and you can’t beat free.

Bubba and the Dead Woman by C.L. Bevill. FREE from Smashwords.com
Bubba is a good old boy with lots of problems. His ex-fiancee is deader than a door nail and everyone thinks he dun did it. His house is haunted. His mother is running an illegal gambling ring. His dog likes to bite people too much. And he’s got to find out who really did it before the sheriff throws him in jail…again.

Slither Into a Snake Typhoon

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Someone had to do it, and it makes way more sense than a Sharknado. Snakes are tons smaller. And more aerodynamic. Perfectly, perfectly logical.


Snake Typhoon! by Billie Jones. Amazon for $0.99.Move over Lara Croft, there’s a new action hero in town!
When unseasonable weather hits the sunshine city of Brisbane, a freak typhoon terrorizes the citizens. It’s not just any typhoon though, it’s a snake typhoon! And the deadliest snakes in Australia, with venomous fangs are flying straight for Kez.

Kez is the new girl in the office and she’s desperately fighting to prove herself, but what’s a girl to do when faced with a typhoon of snakes coming straight for her helicopter?

These flying diabolical snakes will stop at nothing to kill their victims and Kez only has one option: Figure out how to stop a snake typhoon and save the world… or die trying!

Take a Look Into Debbie’s Hellmouth

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As a purveyor of weird fiction myself, I couldn’t resist a title that wears that category proudly. Feel like your house is running your life? You’ve got nothing on Debbie.

Debbie’s Hellmouth by Matthew Sawyer. $4.99 from Smashwords.com
Debbie Menon has a unique pseudo-Victorian house she must sell – because her soul is held in proxy for that same disowned portal into Hell. Yet the evil nature of the place makes it unsaleable. Fortunately, Debbie’s not totally helpless – she’s been to Art school.