Since You Asked…

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Have you joined Kindle Unlimited? If you have, my books are free to read. What’s that, you say? You are so subtle with your self-promotion that I had no idea that you had books available for reading? Yes, hypothetical reader, and thank you for that remarkably, spontaneously perfect question. I have two offbeat humorous sci-fi books, a less-offbeat, humorous cozy mystery, and a collection of, hmm, unusual flash fiction short stories (which is free free on Amazon.com).

Sorry, hypothetical reader, I couldn’t quite hear you over the hammering/drilling combo I have going on today, you’ll have to speak up. What was that? Oh, you’d like to know more about these books? Oh, stop, hypothetical reader, you’re embarrassing me!

But if you insist…

Humorous Science Fiction:

Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only)

The Great Paradox and the Innies and Outies of Time Management

Cozy Mystery:


Her Cousin, Much Removed

Short Story Collection:

Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities

 

Get in the Best Shape of Your Afterlife with the Zombie Fitness Manual

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You may be ready for the zombie apocalypse (and who isn’t), but are you prepared if you become a zombie? No? Well, then this book should get you up to speed. It shouldn’t be too hard, zombies aren’t that fast.


The Zombie Fitness Manual by P.J. Hafner. Amazon for $3.99. Undead living is never easy.

There’s stalking, there’s chasing, there’s waiting. Denial. Disillusionment. Disappointment. And sooner or later, the following thoughts occur to most every frustrated Zombie:
· Why does my food source – the living – often overwhelm me with such ease?
· What can I do to attain fulfillment; in other words, assure that I stay full?
· After arising from the dead, how can I raise my game?

In addition to these distressing challenges, do you find yourself feeling lethargic and wobbly? Sensing less and less coordination as time wears on? Maybe even worried your best days are behind you?

Worry no more. In the pages of The Zombie Fitness Manual, you’ll learn step-by-step how to get your vitality back, restore your undead energy, and score some wins over your elusive prey.

Read this book, follow its advice, and you’ll realize the following payoffs:
· You’ll lumber with less fatigue.
· You’ll hobble along with greater effectiveness.
· You’ll enjoy increased chances of conquest once you’ve made a capture.
· And perhaps the greatest benefit of all, upon attacking victims, you’ll be able to keep your decaying physique intact. Your days of coming apart at the seams will be over. (Well, you may still lose a body part now and then, but that can happen to the best of us. Why not feel in top form as your condition runs its course, right?)

Follow the exercise techniques in The Zombie Fitness Manual, and your hunting outings will be much more fruitful. Or brain-full. Whatever.

Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities

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gravy3Well, I’m going off script again, but at least it might make this Monday feel like a Friday. My funny, weird short story collection, Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities is now free from Amazon, as well as Smashwords, Apple, and Barnes & Noble. So it’s free everywhere! Yay! Take a copy. I hear it’s great for stabilizing that wobbly virtual coffee table.

 

Join the Festival on Lyris Five

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The description got me at “homicidal cauliflower.” Space, gambling and violent vegetables can only make for a fun read.

The Festival On Lyris Five by Nick Daws. $0.99 from Smashwords.com
Former Ten Stars pilot Rick Barrett is having a bad day. Not only is he jobless and broke, in a seedy spaceport bar he has been forced into a winner-takes-all poker game with a homicidal cauliflower. Salvation is at hand in the shapely form of Irish redhead Julie Halloran. Julie has a proposition for Rick that could end his financial worries – but does she also have a secret agenda of her own?