Jane Storegoer and the Cone of Evil, Part 7

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I’m taking a badly-needed technology break! To keep you entertained without my daily nonsense, I’m posting the complete stories of Jane Storegoer, a character who sprang to being during the #AtoZChallenge in 2016.  During my break, I’ll post the installments daily. Can’t wait? Catch the rest of the posts here. They start from the bottom. Hope you enjoy!

“Don’t move,” whispered a damp voice just above her ear. It was Iris, the one with the pimento eyes.

“Let go of me,” said Jane, struggling against the bouncy sauciness surrounding her.

“Seriously, don’t move,” Iris said.

“Excellent.” The Grand Fermenter glopped close enough to Jane for her to see the flecks of pepper in his coating. “Now, Iris, take her to the Composter.”

“The Composter?” said Barry, its voice muffled a bit by the upside-down position, “that doesn’t sound good.”

“And take that monstrosity as well,” the Grand Fermenter said, waving in Barry’s general direction. “As it melts, it will really help pack everything down.”

“As it MELTS?!” said Barry. “I’m not OK with that!”

“Stop squirming!” Iris said, gripping Jane by each arm and depositing a glistening, oily layer. “Stay exactly where you are.”

“I don’t know what you think you’re trying to do–” is as far as Jane got before Iris bounded off of the bottom of the box, and horizontal, knocked the Grand Fermenter sideways. She spun, using Jane as the center pole, gliding smoothly over the sauce as her bottom tofu square bonked each of the other Tofurati, sending them sprawling and chunks of tofu flying.

With the last leg of her circular rotation, she bumped Barry right at the tip of its cone, sending Barry twirling upward, head over end, and back down again, perfectly balanced once more.

“Iris!” roared the Grand Fermenter, trying to reclaim his scrambled bits.

“Hurry,” said Iris. We’ve got to get out of here now.” She ushered Jane and Barry toward the back of the box, where a bar of faint light flickered under the flap.

Like my political side? Read my opinion pieces here.

Check out  my full-length novels: 

Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only)   

Aunty Ida’s Holey Amazing Sleeping Preparation (Not Doctor Recommended) 

 Her Cousin Much Removed

 The Great Paradox and the Innies and Outies of Time Management.

And download Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities, it’s free!

Peruse Montraps Publishing.

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Jane Storegoer and the Cone of Evil, Part 6

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skull icecream colorized yellow pinkI’m taking a badly-needed technology break! To keep you entertained without my daily nonsense, I’m posting the complete stories of Jane Storegoer, a character who sprang to being during the #AtoZChallenge in 2016.  During my break, I’ll post the installments daily. Can’t wait? Catch the rest of the posts here. They start from the bottom. Hope you enjoy!

“Don’t come any closer,” said Jane, snapping her hand and the cardboard in a sharp sideways royal wave.

The Grand Fermenter chortled. “What do you think you’re going to do with that, meat-based creature?”

Jane stood still, her cardboard blade hand falling to her side. “Meat-based crea– Nope, no, never mind, I don’t care.” She brandished the cardboard again. “Get any closer to me and you’ll find out.”

“If ice cream cones ate popcorn,” said Barry, now on the very edge of the bottom of its cone, trying to get the best view through the rip in the top of the box, “I would so be eating popcorn right now. Best show ever.”

“Shut up, Berry,” said Jane, trying to keep track of all of the Tofurati. But especially the one with the pimento eyes. That one just didn’t look right.

“BArry BAAArrrryyyy BAAAAARRRRYYY,” it bellowed, and with the momentum of the last one, Barry lost its precarious balance and tumbled head-first through the hole, landing on the bottom ice cream down with a soggy splat.

“Ouch,” said Barry.

“Serves you right,” said Jane. “If it wasn’t for you,I wouldn’t be in this mess.”

“Your mess has only just begun,” the Grand Fermenter said, his eyes gleaming in the now-brighter fluorescent light making its way through the top of the freezer and into the hole.

Barry struggled to right itself, its cone pointing straight up. “Help? Anyone?”

“I’m warning you,” Jane said, cutting air with the cardboard, “I’m not afraid to use this thing.” The Tofurati advanced, undeterred, as Barry tried to lurch its way free.

“You fool! What do you think we are, silken? We’re firm tofu, meat-based creature. Super-firm tofu. We’re the rubber bands of tofu. That thing will bounce right off of us!”

“Do you really want to find out?” Though her tone was confident, her heart pounded, and a hot fear kept the her from feeling the cold. They were close enough now to poke at her with the asparagus spears, which bent with every wet nudge.

The one with the pimento eyes was right on her, the red glowing softly in the shaft of light from above. Jane jabbed at the Tofurati with the tip of the cardboard. Her hand rebounded sharply back at her.

“I told you so.” The Grand Fermenter’s smile left her colder than the freezer did.

“Seriously? Just a push? One push?” Barry said.

“Seize her, Iris!” commanded the Grand Fermenter with a stately brandish of his spear.

And then Jane felt the jiggly stickness of malevolent tofu surround her.

Like my political side? Read my opinion pieces here.

Check out  my full-length novels: 

Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only)   

Aunty Ida’s Holey Amazing Sleeping Preparation (Not Doctor Recommended) 

 Her Cousin Much Removed

 The Great Paradox and the Innies and Outies of Time Management.

And download Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities, it’s free!

Peruse Montraps Publishing.

Jane Storegoer and the Cone of Evil, Part 3

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I’m taking a badly-needed technology break! To keep you entertained without my daily nonsense, I’m posting the complete stories of Jane Storegoer, a character who sprang to being during the #AtoZChallenge in 2016.  During my break, I’ll post the installments daily. Can’t wait? Catch the rest of the posts here. They start from the bottom. Hope you enjoy!

How deep is this box? thought Jane, bracing herself for the impact. And then there it was, but before she could prepare for certain smashing, the damp cardboard stretched downward as effortlessly as a trapeze net. She sprang up again, back toward the hole in the box, now filled with the ice cream cone’s face.

“Mwaahhh haaaa haaa,” the ice cream cone said, little bits of ice cream showering down, along with a sprinkle or two.

Jane hit her rebounding peak and went down again, this time more relaxed. She’d always loved a good trampoline.

“I don’t think you’re using that laugh right,” she said, striking a pose as she bounced again. She wondered if she could get a little higher, maybe, if she jumped. All the activity was warming her up, at least.

She connected with the cardboard, this time bending as far as she could, and shot up, fast. The ice cream cone’s peanut eyes widened as she came at it, and it tilted back on its waffle apex just as her head and right shoulder made it through the ragged opening in the box top.

“You better move, Ice Cream Cone!” said Jane, compacting herself for her next recoil. That Trampolinercize was really paying off.

“My name is Barry!” it said, hopping back on its cone tip as this time, she nearly got her elbows through.

“Berry?” she said, her hair the last thing to go through the hole on the way back down.

“No, Barry. BA-rry.”

“Still hearing Berry.” She smiled as she descended. She knew what it said, but she couldn’t resist that growing annoyance. This time should get her back up and out.

Thunk.

“Holy ouch,” she yelled, when she managed to get her breath back. She lay sprawled on the suddenly ungiving bottom of the box, her cheek resting in a puddle of…something. It smelled vinegary and a little spicy. Tall, lumpy white creatures surrounded her, each carrying a long, green weapon resting where their shoulders would be.

“We are the Tofurati,” said one of the creatures. “Explain yourself.”

Like my political side? Read my opinion pieces here.

Check out  my full-length novels: 

Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only)   

Aunty Ida’s Holey Amazing Sleeping Preparation (Not Doctor Recommended) 

 Her Cousin Much Removed

 The Great Paradox and the Innies and Outies of Time Management.

And download Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities, it’s free!

Peruse Montraps Publishing.

#AccountaClub Friday, July 13, 2018

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accountaclub-woodWell hello #AccountaClub friends! And new friends! Did we decide on a name? AccountAbles? Other? Ideas very welcome.

So here we are at another Friday, and my week has been pretty hectic, which you likely know if you’ve been coming by. Not much writing done, but a lot of prep blogging, including this post.

Why, you ask, my dear hypothetical reader?

I’m taking a technology break! Yep.

Or let’s call it a technology diet. A skinnying if you will.

I hope you will.

Anyway, starting today, and for the next little bit, I will be spending less time with technology. I’ll try to pop in to chat on the comments (now you know why it’s not a fast, but hey, baby steps.) And I have something fun scheduled for you while you’re not getting my daily thought dump.

So let’s see how well I do. I think it’s going to be relaxing, but who knows!

How did your week go?

Like my political side? Read my opinion pieces here.

Check out  my full-length novels: 

Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only)   

Aunty Ida’s Holey Amazing Sleeping Preparation (Not Doctor Recommended) 

 Her Cousin Much Removed

 The Great Paradox and the Innies and Outies of Time Management.

And download Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities, it’s free!

Peruse Montraps Publishing.

Ten Word Photo Prompt: Rusted

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man wearing brown button up jacket and pants leaning on wall

Photo by Úrsula Madariaga on Pexels.com

And it’s that time again! Using the photo above, write a 10-word story. Titles don’t count toward the ten words, but let’s do it honestly.

Here’s mine:

Come dawn, he surrendered. The home wouldn’t let him go.

Your turn!

And somehow it’s Wednesday

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white and gray bird on the bag of brown and black pig swimming on the beach during daytime

I mean COME ON, it’s a pig giving a bird a ride. Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I’ve interrupted myself between the title and the body. That has to be a new record! I was making a list.

I have not yet checked it twice.

We’ve stumbled along into Wednesday, that day people call “hump day,” and yet I kind of see it like a well in the middle of the week, a depression. Not that kind of depression, though for a few people, no doubt it feels that way.

Some things have gotten done and others are falling by the wayside. Prioritizing. For example, I wanted a haircut this week, but it will have to wait, off in the distance of later. My stylist is in a small shop with her husband, and I haven’t been able to get hold of her. The rush is something entirely created by me, and thus can be dismissed just as easily.

Other things await on my list, some actually more fun than others, including picking out some books for my kindle. The Chicago Public Library has an amazing collection of ebooks you can check out from your couch. Feel free to leave suggestions!

Forward I go, perhaps into some serious consideration of reverting back to half-caff, and I wish you the power to dismiss the non-essentials from your list today too. It’s pretty fantastic.

Like my political side? Read my opinion pieces here.

Check out  my full-length novels: 

Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only)   

Aunty Ida’s Holey Amazing Sleeping Preparation (Not Doctor Recommended) 

 Her Cousin Much Removed

 The Great Paradox and the Innies and Outies of Time Management.

And download Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities, it’s free!

Peruse Montraps Publishing.

Mellow Tuesday? Ha!

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sliced of citrus lemons

Does this have anything to do with post? Who cares, it’s a great photo. Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com 

 

Am I less frazzled than yesterday?

Eh.

Still trying to get a bunch of stuff done. And still trying to do it all at once. And this may be where all that yoga can prove helpful.

To slow down. To be in this exact moment when all I need to focus on, all I need to do is this blog post. Only the other part of my brain is doing that banging on the fish tank thing: “Uh, HELLO? What about the software you have downloading on another device right now? Don’t you need to see about it? And how about the laundry, huh? THE LAUNDRY. Forget your pesky words. LAUNDRY.”

That glass tapper sure loves to think about laundry.

If the meditations have taught me anything, it’s that I’m supposed to be able to recognize those thoughts, acknowledge them, and let them go.

But the letting them go is so much harder than it should be, when I could just, you know, get them done. Well, not the laundry, the laundry is a process, but you get the idea.

I will take a moment to breathe, yoga taught me that, too. And ah, that’s better.

Part of the problem of life is this desire to make the stress go away, to tame it, to control it. But we can’t do any of that; stress is a wild beast that always finds a way in.

Always.

The only thing we can change is how respond it it. Huh, maybe I’ve learned something from that yoga after all. Now, about that laundry…

Like my political side? Read my opinion pieces here.

Check out  my full-length novels: 

Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only)   

Aunty Ida’s Holey Amazing Sleeping Preparation (Not Doctor Recommended) 

 Her Cousin Much Removed

 The Great Paradox and the Innies and Outies of Time Management.

And download Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities, it’s free!

Peruse Montraps Publishing.