It’s super dark and gloomy this morning, with the kind of rain that looks like it’s settled in for the day. A good one for yet another topic people may not want to talk about, but hey, why not, we already have some under our belts.
On my #ThursdayTen prompt, given that I now only post on Spoutible, I didn’t think it necessary to spell out the basic rules, like no bigotry, no ableism, no misogyny.
Nothing graphic or sexual in nature. That last one I thought was an easy boundary, given Spoutible doesn’t allow adult content.
Yesterday, a man I interact with posted his story in reference to what Stormy Daniels has said about trump. I didn’t like it, but told him I’d give him a pass for the content, as it was clearly political, not suggestive. Also, as I said, we’ve interacted before, he’s never said or even intimated anything inappropriate.
But then a man I have never interacted with, that I recall, quote-spouted my prompt with a ten word story about his penis. And I know he was talking about his penis because when I told him it was inappropriate, he said “oh, I see, self-deprecating humor is not allowed.”
So I told him he was pretending to not understand why it was inappropriate but he knows it was as he tried to deflect. He did not respond, he did not apologize.
Now I know if you are a man are reading this post, you are probably one of the men I interact with regularly, and I know you understand that I don’t really do or care for innuendo. Often women are forced to play along, to pretend we think it’s funny, to pretend it doesn’t make us uncomfortable, even when it does.
Some women are absolutely fine with innuendo, though few from strangers they don’t know. It is better, however, to assume all are not until you know otherwise.
Frankly, it ruined the post for me, ruined the fun of Thursday Ten this week, and made me feel grossed out. It was like receiving an unsolicited genitalia picture in words.
My public boundaries are my public boundaries, I don’t have to explain them or justify them, and mine may vary a lot from “other women you know.” That is why you should assume everyone’s boundaries are like mine and not like yours.
And let’s be very, very clear, it is straight, cisgender men who do this. I haven’t had this issue with other people who are attracted to women or men who are not.
What it really comes down to is consent. You cannot assume you have consent ever, you cannot assume consent is implied, even for an exchange on the internet.
And if you say something that crosses a line, and a woman tells you so, it’s not her job to make you feel better about it. It is your job to apologize and make her feel better about it. And then leave her alone if that’s what she tells you to do.
No means no, even on the internet.
And with that, I feel better, you probably know me a little better, and we can all have a wonderful Friday and a great weekend.
A Bit to Read 
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