It’s a gloomy day, though I’m not sure it’s going to rain. I was tempted to tell this character in the Kdrama that when a person’s face falls like that when they see you, they’re not into you, but now she’s considering being with him. Well, there are still many episodes to go.
But it has me thinking about how, when we’re young, girls are trained not to believe our own instincts, our own sense of the world, our own reactions. Our feelings are meaningless in light of everyone else’s. The problem isn’t when someone makes us uncomfortable.
It’s when we make them uncomfortable about making us uncomfortable.
Well that’s a patriarchal load of garbage.
But we’re trained and trained and trained and it becomes so ingrained, when we’re older we often can’t even hear that voice anymore, the one that tells us our true thoughts and feelings. We’ve been told down is up and and up is down for so long, it’s hard to know which direction is really which, because even the compasses are rigged.
Ugh and with an influx of outside noise, I’ve lost my train of thought. One of the most frustrating experiences of a writer, seeing that railcar you thought was firmly waiting for you at the platform pulling off, the lights not even piercing the fog growing between you and it.
But we’ll fumble onward, nonetheless.
“He’s mean to you because he likes you.” Remember that gem? Can you, in the plain light of a quarter of a way through the 21st century think of more twisted things to say to young girls? And the boys, for that matter? Cruelty is love? Violence is love?
Anger is love?
I adore my Kdramas, as the writing is generally very tight, the characters instantly relatable, the arcs solid, and almost always peppered with surprises. The talents of the casts frequently challenged only by their beauty.
But there are so many tropes and glitches and interactions that take me aback. There are so many moments when I think “that’s bad modeling.”
And one of them is when a character has a viscerally negative reaction to another, yet still considers getting back together with him.
Though with some of these shows, that’s also part of the arc, a different kind of modeling, and maybe this one will come through too, the character realizing what we can plainly see. Yet one more in the plus column, because they frequently confront the emotions and situations we never talk about really. They can highlight mental health as health and not glibly; they explore themes of autonomy and and self-realization.
And yet.
And yet.
That’s not to say that American television doesn’t lean into the gender issues, but sometimes it’s easier to see when you strip away all the things you’re so used to, you don’t see them anymore. And we don’t have to stop at American: British; Australian; and all the languages I watch but don’t speak.
This turned into quite a ramble, really, start to finish. Some days are like that, I guess, with what’s rattling around in my head.
Regardless, I hope you have a fabulous Friday and a wonderful weekend.
A Bit to Read 
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