It’s sunny and cold, and I’m waffling between what I want to say and what I don’t, the mood I have myself today and the mood I want to spread to the world.
The public and the private.
If this worried you, please don’t be worried, because my thoughts are in the past and the distance from the past, not here in the present, not what’s coming in the future. They’re where what’s done is done, and no matter how many time-bending Kdramas I watch, that cannot be changed.
We all have those things.
Where, at first, they seem so close that you can reach back and touch them, but round and round the calendar goes and then your fingers are farther and farther away and you’re just a person looking backward with your arm out.
Yes, my thoughts today are about Big Life Stuff, but my Big Life Stuff may be the same or different from yours, so I guess the other thing is this isn’t only about me, but all of us. Every one of us who feels that backward tug on a particular day.
And life is packed with them, all kinds of them, some of them far more universally definite than others. But today my scab is my scab and I don’t really want to pick at it, to expose the still too-red flesh underneath.
You can keep yours too.
I’ll say, instead, that life is littered with endings. Most of the time, they are endings we don’t want and we can’t control, and that too, we can’t control. It’s an aspect of being a dust mote in the vastness of the universe, well, even smaller than that if we’re being picky about the scale.
And why shouldn’t we, it’s a momentary diversion thought exercise.
But existence itself is what it is, it comes with a long list of cautions and warnings and restocking fees and no refunds. Only we don’t get to read the paperwork first.
If we did, would we still sign on for a lifetime contract?
Who knows.
The point of it all is that simply because you’ve said it aloud before it doesn’t mean you have to say it aloud again, and it doesn’t mean what you want to do can’t change from minute to minute. While you can’t control what happened, how it happened, or when, not from the distance of time, you are the captain of your own history.
I am the captain of my own history.
And today I choose to close the cabin door, at least for this minute.
Have a great Tuesday.
A Bit to Read 
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