It was cloudy when I got up, but sunny now, just with those small bubbly clouds. At least, small from here, I bet they’re pretty big up in the sky.
Clouds are fascinating.
I saw a video yesterday with a bit of DC gossip regarding two men we can agree are super gross and creepy and one of their wives. I’m not going into it here, because the gossip really isn’t the point.
At the end of the video, though the woman said that her “picker was broken” and though she’s chosen bad men in her life, essentially, they’ve never been as bad as those two.
And I’ve had that on a loop in the back of my mind since I watched it.
It’s a special kind of con men run through the patriarchy where someone not actually being the person they presented themselves to be initially is your fault.
Women are, all at once, supposed to be able to tell the “good guys” from the “bad guys,” but not judge too harshly but also be discerning. And if a guy turns out not to be who you thought he was, the problem isn’t that the guy deceived you, it’s your “picker.”
No one starts out a relationship treating the other person badly, it’s unlikely to actually become a relationship that way. So when women have invested themselves in it, and then start to see the leaks, it’s hard to reconcile.
Especially with the gaslighting that comes with it.
It used to be easier, I think, for men to get away with all, because the women really only had the people around them to confirm reality. And we all know there are plenty of people waiting to tell you “It’s not that bad,” “He didn’t mean it,” “You’re being too sensitive,” “You’re reading too far into it,” “That’s what men are like.”
Now, with the vast interwebs, people can even get input from people who have been in the exact same situation with the exact same person. And from people who have been in similar situations.
The only way the problem is your picker is if you start things out knowing that person is abusive or problematic in some way. Like the woman at the heart of the gossip, she knows who these people are, and she’s one of them herself.
But if they hide who they actually are, how are you supposed to know?
Why on earth would that be on women to know?
Part of it is the predatory way women are viewed, not as people, but as animals to be “picked off.” If you’re easy prey, that’s your fault.
Well it isn’t.
It’s the fault of the person who sees you as prey.
We will not blame our “pickers” for others’ shortcomings. It is not our responsibility to be living, breathing crystal balls, always able to peer deep into the hearts of men.
People are responsible for their own actions. We are not responsible for not predicting them.
OK, with that rant over, I shall wish you a lovely Thursday packed with even more good news than yesterday.
A Bit to Read 
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