It’s sunny today, and though most of it is gone, there are still traces of snow on the ground. November definitely wanted its presence known.
I’ve gone back and forth about today’s topic, but I think I have to settle here. Just because someone who belongs to a marginalized group doesn’t talk about their experiences with bigotry, it doesn’t mean they don’t have them.
To the contrary, every single person you know who is part of such a group has stories. Every single one.
Every.
Single.
One.
Most of us don’t like talking about them. Think about it, they are moments of intense dehumanization, blocks of time where not only our existence itself was injured, but possibly our safety also at risk. They are as common as getting up in the morning and going to bed and what the sun does in the meanwhile.
It’s something I thought people knew, but I guess it’s really not. And maybe not something people who are marginalized in different ways think about other groups, at least not regularly.
Not all, of course, only some.
But people expressing their hatred of others is common, very, very common. People having to deal with it because of where they are or risk of violence is also very, very common.
Why anyone would want to contribute to making life harder for people, I will never understand, but sometimes when we share these stories, the reactions intensify them, make them worse. Look at how women who speak out about misogyny are treated on social media.
Look at any woman who speaks out about a sexual assualt.
There’s the same air in relating these stories, that people exaggerate, that they misunderstood, that they’re too sensitive, that they’re the ones at fault for pointing it out and talking about it.
Once you see the patterns, you realize it is all there to prop up white supremacist patriarchy.
So then your response may be talk about the events, and bear the brunt because that’s the way to bring down white supremacist patriarchy.
Only.
It isn’t.
The way to bring it down is to make it unnecessary for the people harmed by it to have to bare themselves, to stop making our vulnerability the price of admission.
Assume these experiences exist because they do, and do the work because it’s the right work to do. Don’t require emotional transactions.
Just do it.
And that’s it for me this Wednesday, have a good one.
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