It’s sunny and it’s supposed to be the warmest it will be for the week today, going up to 50. But windy, so 50-ish.
I’ve been thinking, since yesterday, about how people always blame women for not knowing that a man is the kind to turn in anger, yet also blame women if they suspect every man is the kind to turn in anger.
How are we supposed to know?
Why isn’t the issue turning in anger?
I thought I had reached a stage in life when I could sense who was likely to do that and who would not, and to a large extent, I’ve been correct, the ones I thought would explode exploded, some with with the most minor of exchanges. The ones I thought would not, I thought, had proven themselves, sometimes more than once.
Until yesterday.
Yesterday I had a man I thought was in column B explode just like a man in column A. Had I been expecting it, it probably wouldn’t have fazed me in the slightest and I’d be writing about something else today. But I didn’t expect it. The vehemence took me aback; the realization that whatever friendly acquaintanceship I thought we had, it never was.
To be clear, this has happened more times in my life than I can count; many men, maybe even most, make for very fickle friends to a lot of women. I’ve had anger over not being romantically interested; I’ve had anger over casual disagreements; I’ve had intense anger when correcting something that was wrong; I’ve had rage over not deferring in one way or another. And don’t even get me started on the ones who slowly realize they’ve been outthought “by a girl.”
So you would think, by now, I should see it coming, right?
No. It’s not mine to see. It’s not my problem, this is a problem of men. This is an issue for men to understand about themselves and fix, not an issue for women to dodge like landmines.
“Oh no! Stepped on one? You should have been more careful.”
By and large, the men I hang out with on social media are not like this, especially now on Spoutible, and maybe that’s why it caught me so off guard. Because I was literally off guard, I’d relaxed into the space.
I thought it was a space where we could relax.
But if men wonder why women seem to keep our boundaries sharp, well this is it. Too many instances of surprise “nice guy” meltdowns.
And I will emphasize again, no, it’s not for us to have some kind of womany internal crystal ball to know who will be the one to blow up at us if we dare to challenge them or ask them a polite question or, in the worst of all crimes, outthink them.
It’s to men to recognize they are no more people than us, entitled to no more deference than we are, and to treat women like human beings, not objects at which to aim rage.
And with that, I wish you a good, insightful Tuesday.
A Bit to Read 
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