It’s a gray one today, softly gray, doesn’t look like rain but you can never tell.
First of all, thank you so much to my two very generous coffee buyers yesterday!!
Since I stick to the names publicly left only, tonywlsn and johnsonmoxley, thank you so much for a little bit of cozy warmth in what has been a truly awful, awful week. I appreciate you, and the bit of brightness you were still able to share.
Now on to Tuesday. Sometimes the day after a post that resonated with people is rough. Some things do or they don’t; I can never tell which they will be, into which side of the scale they will fall when I’m writing them.
Such is writing.
Now, a week out, I am tired and I am wired, I have the anxiety of the future bearing down on me, no matter how much I try to stay in the moment, stay in the now where it hasn’t happened yet.
Because my brain keeps saying “but it may happen soon.” A looming sentence with no hope of a reprieve.
This time around I will believe in nothing that isn’t already done. No breathless “this is what’s happening behind the scenes” from people we can’t even verify are in front of the scenes. No more wishful thinking. No more fantasies of undoing.
Don’t get me wrong, if it is in any way possible to prevent the tidal wave I see, the one they themselves are dubbing the red wave, which probably refers to blood for all of us, but of different types, believe me, I’d want to prevent it. I want to mitigate it, I want to build a breakwater that renders it harmless.
I don’t welcome what they said, out loud, multiple times, they’d bring. And I especially don’t believe anyone who claims they didn’t know.
They don’t want to be responsible for the consequences.
But there is no one who could have voted who wasn’t old enough to see what happened last time. There is no one who could have missed every single thing he said about what his plans were, how he embraces violence and cruelty.
So it’s been a week of not great sleep, but also a week that sets every single setting to maximum. I’m not really sure how we navigate another dark corridor of a timeline.
Remarkable to me are the number of people who are now demanding they get their fascist and their harmed family/friends too, as though friendship and meaningful relationships are owed to them. That they think they can tell women they have no value with their vote and expect women to be like, yes, that’s a difference of opinion.
It will not be the same. We do not exist to fix their choices or to make them feel better about them. You can choose to be a bad person by voting for a monster, but you don’t get to decide how we feel about you for it.
You may feel powerful now, but we are not without recourse, and it may come in the very things you took for granted.
We see you all now. We do. We know.
And you can’t walk that back.
Have a great Tuesday, and anger out some of that anxiety. It worked for me.
A Bit to Read 
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