Jane Storegoer and the Cone of Evil, Part 5

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I’m taking a badly-needed technology break! To keep you entertained without my daily nonsense, I’m posting the complete stories of Jane Storegoer, a character who sprang to being during the #AtoZChallenge in 2016.  During my break, I’ll post the installments daily. Can’t wait? Catch the rest of the posts here. They start from the bottom. Hope you enjoy!

“Vegania?” Barry said, a hint of moisture gathering along his sprinkles.

“Yes,” said the Grand Fermenter.

“But Vegania is far lower, under the Permafrostbitten Layer of Perpetual Freezerburn.” Barry’s voice quavered with more than the cold.

“Vegania has grown and conquered many lands, including The Space of High Turnover.”

“What the heck is a Vegania?” Trying to get the sauce off of her hands, Jane ran her hand along the cardboard below her. Until, like some kind of organic soy-based superglue, the thinned stickiness stopped her hand dead. She was stuck.

“Ignorance. Such shocking ignorance.” The Grand Fermenter wiggled his spear in Jane’s direction. “But little can be expected from one so reeking of…animal-based products.

Jane tried twisting her hand to loosen it, but it stayed put. She made a mental note to check out the box so she could use the sauce for her next glue-based emergency.

“Look here, Grand Fermenter. There hasn’t been any official notice about your kind encroaching–”

“Silence, dairy-based creature!” He blobbed his way closer. “Surround her! You will be taken to the Cruciferous Florets where you will be sentenced for having the audacity to wear those shoes.”

Jane put a little shoulder and arm into it, but still couldn’t pry her hand from the cardboard. “These are synthetic,” she said.

“I know,” said the Grand Fermenter. “They’re just awful.”

“Gotta agree there,” said Barry.

“Seriously, Barry, what is your problem?” Shifting all of her weight to the side, Jane tried to yank her palm away from the floor.

“That you were trying to eat me, maybe?” The ice cream topper on Barry’s cone cocked itself to the side as it raised a single cookie crumb eyebrow.

“You were going to eat him? EAT him?! A sentient dairy creature?” The Grand Fermenter’s olive eyes folded a fraction, giving the effect of them narrowing. He straightened his stovepipe hat with indignation, leaving it more askew.

“In my defense, I had no idea of that at the time.”

“Advance!” the Grand Fermenter jabbed the spear upward, as upward as possible as his semi-solid fingers tried to control it. The other Tofurati glopped their way to Jane, their spears more or less pointed at her, some more, some less.

“Well, this didn’t turn out the way I expected,” said Barry, making sure it could see the goings on without the danger of being in asparagus’ reach.

As they got near enough for her to smell the hint of chili in their sauce sheen, Jane, with one final, massive pull, heard a slow rip. Her hand was up, yes, but now attached to a jagged blade of cardboard.

She looked at the approaching Tofurati, looked at her hand, and smiled.

Like my political side? Read my opinion pieces here.

Check out  my full-length novels: 

Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only)   

Aunty Ida’s Holey Amazing Sleeping Preparation (Not Doctor Recommended) 

 Her Cousin Much Removed

 The Great Paradox and the Innies and Outies of Time Management.

And download Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities, it’s free!

Peruse Montraps Publishing.

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#AccountaClub Friday, July 13, 2018

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accountaclub-woodWell hello #AccountaClub friends! And new friends! Did we decide on a name? AccountAbles? Other? Ideas very welcome.

So here we are at another Friday, and my week has been pretty hectic, which you likely know if you’ve been coming by. Not much writing done, but a lot of prep blogging, including this post.

Why, you ask, my dear hypothetical reader?

I’m taking a technology break! Yep.

Or let’s call it a technology diet. A skinnying if you will.

I hope you will.

Anyway, starting today, and for the next little bit, I will be spending less time with technology. I’ll try to pop in to chat on the comments (now you know why it’s not a fast, but hey, baby steps.) And I have something fun scheduled for you while you’re not getting my daily thought dump.

So let’s see how well I do. I think it’s going to be relaxing, but who knows!

How did your week go?

Like my political side? Read my opinion pieces here.

Check out  my full-length novels: 

Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only)   

Aunty Ida’s Holey Amazing Sleeping Preparation (Not Doctor Recommended) 

 Her Cousin Much Removed

 The Great Paradox and the Innies and Outies of Time Management.

And download Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities, it’s free!

Peruse Montraps Publishing.

Ten Word Photo Prompt: Rusted

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man wearing brown button up jacket and pants leaning on wall

Photo by Úrsula Madariaga on Pexels.com

And it’s that time again! Using the photo above, write a 10-word story. Titles don’t count toward the ten words, but let’s do it honestly.

Here’s mine:

Come dawn, he surrendered. The home wouldn’t let him go.

Your turn!

And somehow it’s Wednesday

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white and gray bird on the bag of brown and black pig swimming on the beach during daytime

I mean COME ON, it’s a pig giving a bird a ride. Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I’ve interrupted myself between the title and the body. That has to be a new record! I was making a list.

I have not yet checked it twice.

We’ve stumbled along into Wednesday, that day people call “hump day,” and yet I kind of see it like a well in the middle of the week, a depression. Not that kind of depression, though for a few people, no doubt it feels that way.

Some things have gotten done and others are falling by the wayside. Prioritizing. For example, I wanted a haircut this week, but it will have to wait, off in the distance of later. My stylist is in a small shop with her husband, and I haven’t been able to get hold of her. The rush is something entirely created by me, and thus can be dismissed just as easily.

Other things await on my list, some actually more fun than others, including picking out some books for my kindle. The Chicago Public Library has an amazing collection of ebooks you can check out from your couch. Feel free to leave suggestions!

Forward I go, perhaps into some serious consideration of reverting back to half-caff, and I wish you the power to dismiss the non-essentials from your list today too. It’s pretty fantastic.

Like my political side? Read my opinion pieces here.

Check out  my full-length novels: 

Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only)   

Aunty Ida’s Holey Amazing Sleeping Preparation (Not Doctor Recommended) 

 Her Cousin Much Removed

 The Great Paradox and the Innies and Outies of Time Management.

And download Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities, it’s free!

Peruse Montraps Publishing.

Mellow Tuesday? Ha!

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sliced of citrus lemons

Does this have anything to do with post? Who cares, it’s a great photo. Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com 

 

Am I less frazzled than yesterday?

Eh.

Still trying to get a bunch of stuff done. And still trying to do it all at once. And this may be where all that yoga can prove helpful.

To slow down. To be in this exact moment when all I need to focus on, all I need to do is this blog post. Only the other part of my brain is doing that banging on the fish tank thing: “Uh, HELLO? What about the software you have downloading on another device right now? Don’t you need to see about it? And how about the laundry, huh? THE LAUNDRY. Forget your pesky words. LAUNDRY.”

That glass tapper sure loves to think about laundry.

If the meditations have taught me anything, it’s that I’m supposed to be able to recognize those thoughts, acknowledge them, and let them go.

But the letting them go is so much harder than it should be, when I could just, you know, get them done. Well, not the laundry, the laundry is a process, but you get the idea.

I will take a moment to breathe, yoga taught me that, too. And ah, that’s better.

Part of the problem of life is this desire to make the stress go away, to tame it, to control it. But we can’t do any of that; stress is a wild beast that always finds a way in.

Always.

The only thing we can change is how respond it it. Huh, maybe I’ve learned something from that yoga after all. Now, about that laundry…

Like my political side? Read my opinion pieces here.

Check out  my full-length novels: 

Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only)   

Aunty Ida’s Holey Amazing Sleeping Preparation (Not Doctor Recommended) 

 Her Cousin Much Removed

 The Great Paradox and the Innies and Outies of Time Management.

And download Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities, it’s free!

Peruse Montraps Publishing.

And we’re off to the metaphorical Monday races

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Ever have one of those weeks where you feel like you tumbled into it out of a moving car and not even a to-do list can keep you on task?

Welcome to my Monday. And maybe your Monday too.

Example: I just interrupted myself writing this post to do two other tasks. Told you. It’s going to be that kind of a Monday. Still working on task number two. Who says you can’t do two things at once?

Basically everyone.

And now I’m ping-ponging back and forth, which isn’t great for the writing flow, but somewhat helpful for the feeling that I need to get things done. No doubt there’s a balance.

It probably requires coffee. So much more coffee.

Also I know I have a cell phone. I just couldn’t tell you exactly where it is at the moment. Ah, found it. Good thing my head doesn’t have a tendency to wander off. I mean, at least for now.

So much Monday.

I’m not sure if it’s being here in the apex of summer, knowing how quickly it all goes; I don’t know if it’s a break in the clouds of all that’s happening right now; but whatever it is, I want to do everything, and I want to get it done NOW.

Meanwhile MSN is offering a story on its scroll titled “Subtle signs you might have cancer.” Uh, no thank you please, I’ve got enough going through my mind right now.

I’m going to get going on it. Hope you have a marvelously productive week!

Like my political side? Read my opinion pieces here.

Check out  my full-length novels: 

Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only)   

Aunty Ida’s Holey Amazing Sleeping Preparation (Not Doctor Recommended) 

 Her Cousin Much Removed

 The Great Paradox and the Innies and Outies of Time Management.

And download Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities, it’s free!

Peruse Montraps Publishing.

 

#AccountaClub Friday July 6, 2018

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It’s another week down, friends! And I mean down, because it wasn’t great. No political piece again, but that’s because I started writing one yesterday and just couldn’t get it to work.

And then I realized I had a migraine.

So I may revisit that one today and see if it’s salvageable. Migraine writing is interesting, it usually sounds like I’ve dropped to writing at a third-grade level. So we’ll see.

I’ve made a little planning progress in a group project I’m involved in, I need to do some more background research, but I can feel the story idea percolating in the background as I go about everything else. Anyone else work that way? It’s like my subconscious is constructing it and I have nothing to do with it, I only need to feed it some facts.

No editing, but given the migraine situation, I think we can all agree that’s for the best as it would leave me with more to undo rather than anything done.

So that’s me this week. How about you?

Like my political side? Read my opinion pieces here.

Check out  my full-length novels: 

Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only)   

Aunty Ida’s Holey Amazing Sleeping Preparation (Not Doctor Recommended) 

 Her Cousin Much Removed

 The Great Paradox and the Innies and Outies of Time Management.

And download Better Living Through GRAVY and Other Oddities, it’s free!

Peruse Montraps Publishing.