It’s a sunny one, not too hot I think, appropriately summery overall, and I am mired in a sea of not wanting to.
I know I’ve been here before.
I’m sure you’ve been here before.
And I’m sure we’ll all be here again.
It’s a mood, it will pass but also it’s feeling like more than a mood these days, as the baseline of all there is gets ickier. It tends to take a little out of you for the general ickiness of being a semi-functioning adult.
And we all know, no matter what life holds, that also has a bare minimum of icky.
Maybe I’m grumpy today, maybe all my cricks are cricked and not cracked. Maybe the drudgery has drudged me out.
Maybe today is the kind of day the phrase “stiff upper lip” was invented for.
Maybe I want to whine about it and get it done anyway.
Even my calendar is remarkably on board today, it says: “Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.”
I get it, calendar. I get it.
The truth is we are not automatons, we don’t get wound up and run run run (at least in that sense) and we don’t have keys (well we do have keys but not those kinds of keys, and suddenly I’m wondering if we ARE automatons).
We have a strange relationship to emotions in American culture. Some people are allowed them and some are not; the people who decry them the most are often the people who display them most flamboyantly.
I’m sure we all have examples come to mind with that.
Very, very prominent examples.
So it’s like the right to feel them is as rationed as resources. And frankly, that’s just weird.
So I will feel reluctant to tackle things today, but I will feel that and face what needs to be faced. Because I can.
Have a great Tuesday.
A Bit to Read 
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