It’s cloudy, I think, it’s a bit warmer than yesterday and I’ve pissed off another man. It’s been a while, it was bound to happen.
Yesterday I talked about how white men should be spending their time and energy focusing on other white men, not on white women. You should read it if you missed it, and I’ll meet you back here.
Everyone all caught up?
Good.
Well I hope you are sitting down for this, because it’s going to be quite a shock. A white man did not enjoy what I had to say, and informed me I should take my “resentment of men” elsewhere.
Obviously this is not a surprise to anyone, aside from perhaps the twist that it was only one white guy as of this writing.
Growth!
Or accounts are blocked!
It could be either.
But we talked about how white men lose social capital when they confront other white men, yet gain it when they confront white women. Who do not have the same power or reach as white men, and whose ability to wreak havoc depends nearly entirely upon proximity.
He basically said as much about the male social capital, informing me he had lost friendships over these nowtimes, in a loose paraphrase.
First of all, if you’re losing “friendships” over deeply held morals, were they friends at all? Would you want those people in your life? Or are those morals deeply held?
But I digress.
That he categorized my words as “resentment of men” is so telling. Because even in someone who wants the world to see him as a champion for democracy, there is the immediate need to defend and protect the white patriarchy.
He didn’t want to address the point that white men should be confronting white men rather than white women; instead he wanted to change the subject to me, that I was the issue.
And that my pointing out the truth–that white men and only white men could end all of this right now if they wanted to–was a “resentment of men.”
It was the same protective screen we’ve each seen individually flash up. White men failing to confront other white men because of the social costs is not the problem.
Pointing it out is the problem.
And thus the white patriarchy slithers on another day.
The only difference now is we have an easy way to talk about it, to all see it. Gaslighting has less value.
My original question remains: why single out white women? Why not agree that it was an oversight or a problem if he hadn’t thought about it?
Now I am in the part where I am being told, in direct words an indirect ones, that I have stepped out of my place. I have gotten between him and his accolades; I have questioned the unquestionable.
I’ve pointed to the invisible people in the room and asked “what about them? They’re the ones at the controls.”
Sure everything would be a lot easier if I just zipped my lips and mumbled something and made nice. I’d have a lot fewer “this spout is not available for you to view” or whatever it is they say.
Because it is difficult to speak out ON PURPOSE. The cost is high ON PURPOSE. It is draining and exhausting ON PURPOSE.
And I’m going to end this with a few actual accolades for the white men who deserve it, who know all of this and instead of lashing out at women, you do the work with your peers ANYWAY.
I know who you are. I see you.
Have a great Tuesday.
A Bit to Read 
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