A Bit to Read

I am just tired. Just…tired.

The anniversary of my mom’s death came and went, it was actually not as rough as Yom Kippur, and I may write more about that, I may not.

We’ll see.

And with the war waging in Israel, it dials up the volume on the reality that you never actually know what people are thinking about you underneath it all. They can be polite, they can smile, they can chat, they can talk about the weather or crafts or baking, but if you excavate the layers, you are not a person to them, you are something to be loathed.

I know a lot of you understand what I mean because that is your daily existence as well.

Now it’s only louder.

It’s sad an exhausting when you see it, that which you try not to see, that which you know could be lurking in practically anyone but a handful.

Could the winds change here?

Absolutely.

And there will be people who think, on some level, whether right out on the surface or somewhere down in the bunker of thoughts they generally keep to themselves, that I will have brought it on myself.

I can feel it already, the people who will couch their own justifications in words about violence, that I haven’t said the magic words that would make killing me or people like me a problem, and the reaction to this post will be about that, a train far off the tracks because that person wants to pretend they didn’t board at a particular station.

Again, I know a lot of you know what I mean.

And obviously I don’t condone violence, but I also don’t condone denying people a right to exist.

Any people.

Including me.

That’s one of the weird things about antisemitism, people can be very against bigotry, and yet that one is OK. And if you are involved in circles opposed to bigotry, it’s as though speaking up for Jewish people, not the antisemitism, is the taboo.

It’s a dance I’ve danced my whole life, a journey of endless awful discovery as I constantly learn who I can trust and who I cannot.

Who I can trust and who I cannot.

I know a lot of you know what I mean.

Have a nice Tuesday, as nice as it can be.

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