Last night, it rained, and the drops rattled like pellets against the window. If it wasn’t much too warm, I would have thought it was sleet; I suppose it could have been hail.
This morning the world is flat gray and soggy. I think it’s still raining, but it’s rain too fine to see.
The trees, for their part, are stoic.
It’s one of those days where I’m tired, over-tired, though I don’t have a good, specific cause. All I want to do is crawl back into bed, cue up a K-drama, and let the world continue to turn on its own.
What else are rainy days for?
But that’s unlikely, and we’ll see how I feel as I make my way down this cup of coffee. All the answers I need in the world could be in there.
That’s also unlikely.
Sometimes I think about the sheer vastness of space and time and how very little we know about either. How even the unexplainable has explanations.
They’re just not ours to know.
Is it better or worse knowing that out there, somewhere, perhaps in the far reaches of the universe, the exact answer lurks?
I’m not sure.
This always makes me curious to know what it is to be a person without curiosity. Rote, clear lines, all of life a chunky game of Tetris.
Calming? Boring?
It seems, this week, I’m very interested in what makes other people bored.
Or what doesn’t.
Because the interesting part about boredom is it’s entirely different for each of us. Well, maybe not entirely different, maybe there are things that are universally boring.
Waiting in line, for example. Waiting for an appointment. Waiting in general.
Or maybe that’s my anti-waiting bias. Some of you might enjoy waiting, might see it as bonus down time.
I guess it boils down to us all being so different and yet the same, even when it comes to the minutia.
And yet so many people try to pretend differences don’t exist, try to make them vanish like they never were.
I was watching Hudson & Rex, as per a recommendation (thank you!) which is only available here on the Up Faith & Family Channel. I wouldn’t subscribe to that nonsense, but it’s also the only channel that has the newer episodes of Heartland, which, despite not being something that would normally interest me, has me hooked, in a low-level good boredom kind of way.
Go figure.
Anyway, the channel censors a lot. And I mean A LOT. You hear the little gaps where maybe a character says “damn” or “God.”
But there was a gap in an episode which was neither. I went back and back and back and couldn’t figure out what it was, so I googled and happened to find a transcript. The character said he couldn’t be deported from Canada, because the country they would deport him back to wasn’t safe for trans people.
I can take a little empty piety with the other bits they’ve cut. I can ignore the shrill moralism–not morality, but moralism–with removing words for their apparently wildly fragile viewers.
But I can’t take that. I can’t take erasing a life and death struggle for people by just…cutting it out. I canceled the subscription, I’ll finish Hudson & Rex and I’ll wait two years for Netflix to get Heartland, if necessary.
My only regret is it didn’t let me tell them why I was canceling.
Anyway, this got longer than I expected it to go, I hope if it was boring, it was the good boring.
Have a great Wednesday.
A Bit to Read 
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