It’s brightly sunny today, but chilly, chillier than it looks, apparently. I am still having some side effects from my vaccines, but nothing serious and much better than the illnesses, that’s for sure.
I watched Baby Reindeer and I have a lot of thoughts. It’s based on a true story, though details were changed, ironically to protect the identity of the stalker. And here’s the thing.
I’m sorry he went through so much, it sounded terrible and like a constant grind. But my issue with it all is women experience things like this, often from more than one man during the course of a life, and with a greater explicit threat of violence. Women are sexually assaulted and sexually extorted in pursuit of creative dreams, but rarely does that lead to huge opportunities like a show on Netflix.
None of this is to minimize anything, especially sexual abuse. But the show had this tone, at least to me, like this was the first time any of this had ever happened to someone and it was the worst example of it all.
Again, terrible. But when Donny (the main character) went to police, he used the example of a younger woman with an older man sending these messages and if the police would do something, and the officer sheepishly said they would.
And that really sticks in the craw because would they? Or would the woman be interrogated about how she encouraged him and what she did and how she should just ignore him? Why she saved his messages? Why she spoke to him? What did she do to lead him on?
Listen, law enforcement is generally terrible about dealing with any of this. And I don’t know the laws in the UK versus the laws here. But it seems to me as though all the millions of women who have had to change their lives completely to try to rid themselves of a stalker and all the ones who didn’t survive it because the stalker killed them are seen as less important.
Maybe I’m wrong, maybe that’s not true, maybe it’s just a different story of stalking. Maybe given the opportunity Netflix would tell a similar story about a woman.
But I can’t let go of the fact the story it’s chosen to tell in the past is that from the perspective of a woman’s stalker, in You, which I couldn’t stomach.
Again, Richard Gadd’s story of that period of his life is awful, and I do not deny that or lessen that. But I wish women who have gone through similar experiences were treated as though it was equally important.
I think that’s my issue. Not minimizing his experience but acknowledgement it’s just as awful when a woman is the target. That it’s common doesn’t make it less awful.
And with that, I wish you a wonderful Friday and a great weekend.
A Bit to Read 