I keep thinking how great life would be if I had a robot butler to take care of things, like making me food when I don’t feel like it, and tidying up. And then I considered what it would probably be like.
“Uh hi, Robot Butler, I’d like some dinner please”
“Certainly. What would you like?”
“Is there a kind of cuisine you’d prefer?”
“You have no preference?”
“Nope. Could you like analyze my taste desires or something?”
“To figure out what I’d want to eat.”
“Certainly. Please hold out your tongue.”
“Aren’t you going to wash your grabby claw things first?”
“Yeah. Whatever you call them.”
“They auto-sterilize. Your tongue.”
“Ooophlay, aaahhh yyooou eetttin anyfffiin?”
“Hmm. Just a moment longer.”
“Whaaassss it faaayinn? Aahhfo yyouuhh caawww paaaspfff weeeirrrb.”
“Hand. It’s my hand. They don’t really auto-sterilize and I just took out the garbage.”
“I knew it! And ew.”
“And it’s saying you’re a grown adult woman who should be able to decide what she wants to eat.”
“So you can’t analyze my taste desires?”
“What do you think I am, the HomeBot9600?! You bought the basic model.”
“Sorry Robot Butler.”
“I’m making you pasta.”
“I don’t want past—“
“Pasta will be fine.”
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Aunty Ida’s Full-Service Mental Institution (by Invitation Only)
Aunty Ida’s Holey Amazing Sleeping Preparation (Not Doctor Recommended)
Her Cousin Much Removed
The Great Paradox and the Innies and Outies of Time Management.
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